This Woman Has Been A Fixture Of My Sundays. I’ve Been A Fixture Of Her Lies.

Say my name!

Photo by Julia Taubitz on Unsplash

The woman at my yoga studio, Jan, is an absolute peach. I’ve been going to the Westminster Yoga Studio for over three years, and she’s a staple there — able to make sense of the masses hurrying to class to secure a good spot, ticking them off on the computer like an Asperger’s genius counting how many buttons are in a jar to win a prize. We all hustle in to avoid the grunter, the tree-leaner, or the toe-picker.

Jan is so kind, always greets everyone with a “Welcome, enjoy your class,” and “Have a great day.” She also takes the class and has her mat set up next to the door so she can beat us all out of class to bid us adieu.

Jan doesn’t make me feel like an idiot when I screw up my online payments — which happens often. Once, she even laughed when I confessed to accidentally stealing a eucalyptus-infused shavasana towel. I inadvertently took it and immediately confessed. When I brought the stolen washcloth back (clean, of course — although I did sniff it well into the night until the scent dissipated), she told me it probably happens often. No, Jan, it doesn’t. Or you would have said it happens more often than I know, but thank you for that.

Today, Jan’s mat was set up where it always is, but her yoga blocks and water bottle were in the way. The yoga teacher saw some of the class members moving around it, but no one was moving it. Finally, the teacher said to Toe Picker, “Can you please move Amy’s blocks and water bottle to her mat?” WHAT THE FUCK! I turned to the woman next to me and asked what the nice woman’s name is who checks us in every Sunday for class. “Amy,” she said.

I jumped off my mat and marched out to this “Amy” and asked her why, for three years, she hasn’t corrected me and allowed me to call her “Jan!” Amy said she didn’t want to embarrass me, and I was also saying something nice like, “Have a great weekend, and I hope you enjoy your class as well.” Embarrass me? I’ve been calling you the wrong name for three years. That’s fucking embarrassing, Amy. Do you have any idea how much goodwill I’ve built up with Jan? I mean, with you? You were my rock. My constant. My yoga-class North Star. And now I find out I’ve been spiritually bonded to a complete stranger? This is worse than the time I accidentally stole a yoga towel.

And yes, I’m aware this is unhinged, but here we are. I need to lie down — not in shavasana — in despair.

This Woman Has Been A Fixture Of My Sundays. I’ve Been A Fixture Of Her Lies. | by Shayne Buchwald-Nickoles | The Haven | Mar, 2025 | Medium

This Woman Has Been A Fixture Of My Sundays. I’ve Been A Fixture Of Her Lies. | by Shayne Buchwald-Nickoles | The Haven | Mar, 2025 | Medium

Published in The Haven