When Your House Gets Raided

A tip to expedite the process.

Executing a lawful search warrant isn’t a quick in-and-out process—it can take four hours or more. Every drawer, cabinet, and, yes, even the toilet lid gets opened. It’s time-consuming, and let’s be honest, most raids happen first thing in the morning. By the time things are wrapping up, it’s almost lunchtime. You’re hungry. The agents are hungry. Everyone wants to get on with their day.

So, as a former agent who’s spent countless hours knee-deep in search warrants, let me offer you a time-saving tip: Label your stuff. If you’ve got locked boxes, mysterious containers, or urns that might raise eyebrows (looking at you, Jimmy—no one’s forgotten the time the lab analyzed a poor woman’s cat ashes), a little clarity can go a long way.

This is a picture of my sugar bowl, purchased with law enforcement in mind- just doing my part. Trust me, it’ll make life easier for everyone involved.